Archive for March, 2010

« Older Entries

Chasing The Dragon

Wednesday, March 31st, 2010

I have to apologize for not posting this yesterday. I had it written and the Internet was down in the morning. When the service returned, I was already in the swing of things of the day and completely forgot to post it in the afternoon. Here we go…

I don’t watch South Park, but a friend showed me this episode once about one of the South Park characters playing this game where he was chasing this purple dragon that seemed always out of reach. I see that most people, myself included in many cases, live life chasing the dragon that always seems to be just out of reach.

I think this is what Eckhart Tolle wrote about in The Power Of Now where he promoted the idea of living in the moment, instead of living in the memories of the past or the illusions of the future.

People often chase happiness and think something along the lines of ‘I’ll be happy when…’. This is dangerous thinking, because once you get to the ‘when’, happiness fades really quickly and you establish a new ‘when’.

I think that is simply human nature and is the driving force behind progress, so there is nothing wrong with that approach in general. The trouble comes when we tie an emotion, like happiness, to a given goal instead of a way of being. There is a great line that I have heard or read somewhere – “be happy but never satisfied”. Gold…absolute gold!

Until next time,

V

Tags: , ,
Posted in Psychology, Success | No Comments »

Spiritual Mind Treatment (03.29.2010)

Monday, March 29th, 2010

There is only one thing happening in our Universe – the eternal flow of Energy into form, through form, and out of form. This flow of Energy is governed by a Universal Law. Like other laws of the Universe, like the law of gravitational attraction, the flow of heat from a hotter object to a cooler object, and the flow of electricity from higher potential to lower potential, this Law is impersonal, cannot evaluate what is given to it, and works every single time. The Law does not, and cannot, care who uses it, nor for what purpose, much like the soil does not argue with the seed. Knowing that, I know that I am simply an Energetic Form in this Universe and that I am subject to the same Law. In this moment I create a mental seed that contains the ideas for growth of my health, love, abundance, joy, happiness, prosperity, relationships, and service. With unconditional gratitude I plant this seed into the fertile soil of the Law and I release it to the perfect action of the Universe. Knowing that it must be so, and that it is already so, I live this moment in deep gratitude and appreciation. And so it is.

Tags: , ,
Posted in Spiritual Mind Treatment | No Comments »

Strangers and Family

Friday, March 26th, 2010

I always found this interesting and odd at the same time – why in the world are we nicer to strangers and people we barely know than our family and close friends? I understand why it is happening from the psychological point of view, but it still one of the oddest behaviours we exhibit.

We have no problem reaming out our kid, spouse, significant other, friend, sibling, or even a parent, but when it comes to strangers, we are nice and kind and have a smile on our face. The behaviours we exhibit and tolerate with the people we are close to and care about are so much more hurtful than the worst things we’ll ever do to a stranger. Am I the only one who thinks this is madness?

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I have never behaved that way – I have. It seems like the more we feel the person is committed to the relationship, the more crap we will give them, and the more we are committed to the relationship, the more crap we will tolerate. It’s as if we know that the person won’t leave, so we take advantage of that. Talk about a sure way to poison the relationship!

Has anyone else noticed that pattern? Your thoughts?

Until Monday,

V

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Psychology, Relationships | 1 Comment »

Diffusing Tension

Thursday, March 25th, 2010

Take pretty much any relationship between any two people, and you’ll find that there are instances of tension there. It can be mild tension that almost goes unnoticed, or it can be an outright violation of the ’social contract’ that the two people thought they had. In either case, there is a tactic that I found to be effective in avoiding the confrontational battle and moving to a conversation about what matters.

This tactic is to acknowledge and outright say what is going on. If you don’t feel comfortable about something, put yourself out there and say that you don’t feel comfortable about the situation. If you messed up, instead of trying to defend your position, which is what a lot of people choose to do, simply admit that you messed up. That right away takes away ammunition from the other person. If you start defending yourself, then you get into “you messed up!” – “no I didn’t!” battle. If you admit that you messed up, they can’t really say much, but to move on to the solution.

This tactic also helps in other situations, like when you are about to give a presentation and are nervous. It is OK to say that you are nervous and make some sort of a joke. The crowd will giggle and you will relax a little.

Hopefully this will help you at some point!

Until next time,

V

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Psychology, Relationships, Success | No Comments »

Unrealistic Expectations

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

Maybe I am wrong here – and I may be wrong about everything – but it seems to me that a lot of people have unrealistic expectations when it comes to relationships. Combine that with the ‘walk-away-from-your-problems’ strategy, and is it at all surprising that we see such high rates of divorce?

A big part of the problem, which I touched on yesterday, are the Hollywood movies that depict relationships where people have no issues. And in the movies where a couple does have some issues, it’s almost a guarantee that the movie will show them work it out and hint at them living ‘issue-less’ forever. Thankfully there are some movies, like “Up In The Air”, that show a more down-to-earth scenarios that are much closer to the truth.

Yeah, I know, it’s nice to see a happy ending and a relationship that works. The problem is that young children, who are extremely impressionable (not to say that adults aren’t, but usually not as much), see that, and go away thinking that it’s the way it should be. Then when they grow up and don’t get that experience, they get out of the relationship and move on. That’s not a problem when you are 16, but when you are 36 and follow the same pattern, there may be something worth examining a bit more. It is no coincidence that there is a good correlation between the number of romantic movies watched and dissatisfaction with the relationship.

There are probably a lot of marriages out there that work where people get divorced because their marriage does not look like the one on TV.

Your thoughts?

V

Tags: ,
Posted in Relationships | No Comments »

Soulmates

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

Ah, the idea of a soulmate – that one person in the world that supposedly completes you. Hollywood did really well with implanting that idea in the general population. I think that the entire concept is nonsense for two main reasons.

First, is that idea of “You complete me!”. I don’t know about you, but I have no reason to look at myself as a half-person that needs another human being in order to be ‘complete’. I think I am perfectly complete on my own and would only entertain a relationship with a person who is also complete on her own. In fact, I think the whole idea of needing someone else to ‘complete’ you is a big factor in dysfunctional relationships – people build their identity around their relationship and when the relationship goes, so does their identity. I think that when people are in pieces for 6 months after a break-up, that is the reason why. I’ve been fortunate enough to go through break-ups on both sides – the relationships that I have built my identity around, and the ones that I haven’t. The post-relationship recovery period is very different in both cases – trust me!

The second reason why I don’t vibe with the idea of soulmates, is because it implies that there is only one person out there for you. Relationship psychologists observe that when two people are in love, they think that their love is pure and that no one else understands how they feel. The trouble is, pretty much every couple feels that way. It is something that we create in our mind, rather than something that is actually based on facts. Again, Hollywood does not help here either. Psychologists also say that there are actually quite a few people out there who any given person is compatible with and can have a good relationship with. Now that makes sense to me.

I’m sorry (well, not really) if this sticks a pin into your romantic balloon, but I think reality is much more liberating than a made-up warm and fuzzy concept.

Until next time,

V

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Relationships | 1 Comment »

Spiritual Mind Treatment (03.22.2010)

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

Join me in knowing…

That everything is Energy – our Universe, our Milky Way Galaxy, our Solar System, our Sun, Earth, the hills, the lakes, our homes, our bodies, our organs, our cells, the molecules in our cells, the atoms, and everything else in between. It is all Energy – bright, vibrant, and full of potential. Like all other processes in this Universe, the flow of this Energy is governed by a Law. A Law is a Law when it works each and every time, for everyone, with no regard for the outcome or the person applying It. If the Law did not work for one person, it could not be called a Law, and saying that it does not work is a display of ignorance. Knowing that, I create a picture in my mind for the Law to act on. It is a picture of love, happiness, health, wealth, and service. I feel heart-felt thanks for the life that is already mine and for the life that is in the process of becoming. I turn my picture over to the care of the precise and accurate Law, knowing that it is already coming into my experience, as the soil does not argue with the seed. I know this as my truth and I live from it! And so it is!

Tags: , ,
Posted in Spiritual Mind Treatment | 3 Comments »

Communication Roadblock

Friday, March 19th, 2010

Yesterday I wrote about how I felt that good communication was a vital aspect of any relationship. Today I want to briefly talk about what, I feel, is the major barrier to good communication. The trouble maker? Your ego!

The ego has a number of functions, and one of its functions is to protect us from embarrassment, hurt, and pain. For instance, when we feel too proud to admit that we are wrong, that is our ego protecting us from potential humiliation when others make fun of us for our mistake.

Yesterday I mentioned that talking is not equivalent to good communication, since we can talk all day about things that are not important to the people involved. True communication can only happen, in my experience, when both people open up and share what is truly on their mind and in their heart – in other words, it requires that we let our guards down and become vulnerable. That can be scary, since the other person can use our vulnerability against us, and that is why the ego often steps in and prevents us from opening up.

If you think about it, people do not tend to open up initially because they do not trust the other person too much; when we get comfortable with the other person, we feel like we can open up. Interestingly, after some time, the communication often breaks down. I believe it is because there comes a day when the other person is angry with you and uses something that you shared earlier against you. You naturally feel hurt and betrayed, and, after the dust settles and there comes another opportunity to open up and share, your ego steps in and reminds you of what happened. Maybe the first time the voice of the ego will not be too strong, but after several instances when the other person uses something you shared against you, the voice of the ego will get a lot louder.

Unfortunately, the only way to restore quality communication is to start opening up again, and that will often require quite a bit of work if you have been hurt enough. What can help is for you to establish some ground rules around sharing and how that information can and cannot be used. Happy communicating!

Until Monday,

V

Tags: , ,
Posted in Relationships | No Comments »

Communication

Thursday, March 18th, 2010

*I’m sorry – it seems like my attempt at having the blog automatically post itself yesterday did not work out. Here is the post*

I think that in any relationship, the most essential skill that you can develop and cultivate, is the art of communication. It is even more crucial when the two people are the in a romantic relationship and are living together – the close contact builds a tremendous amount of pressure and being able to understand each other is that much more important.

Communication is an interesting topic, mainly because it can easily be confused with talking, and that cannot be further away from the truth for two big reasons. First of all, 90% of all human communication is non-verbal; second of all, you can play ‘20 questions’ all day and never touch on what is important to the other person.

Communication is not simple, nor is it easy, but it is definitely worth while working on this skills. The hardest part with relationships, in my opinion, is that suddenly there are two people involved, and you can only be responsible for yourself. You may want take on the proud ‘liberator’ attitude and say, “I will be responsible for the other person”, but you have no right to do that, nor do you want the headache. So it tremendously helps when the other person is on-board and willing to work on communication with you as well.

Tomorrow I’ll talk about what, I think, is the biggest roadblock to effective communication.

Until next time,

V

Tags: ,
Posted in Relationships | No Comments »

A Relationship

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

A friend of mine asked me to spend some time on relationships, so I will share some of my thoughts over the next little while around that topic. I’ll tell you up front, I think the romantic relationships portrayed by Hollywood are total BS, and I think most of the people who have ever been in, or seen, a relationship will support me in that view. For those of you who don’t – tough luck. :)

I am by no means an authority on the subject of romantic relationships – I do not have a psychology degree in family therapy – but I still have some thoughts and ideas around that subject.

A relationship is something that extends far beyond the traditionally accepted romantic scope. In my opinion, a relationship, at least in the sense that I will discuss it, exists between any two people, and it is an act of relating to each other. If the two people have trouble understanding what the other person is feeling and experiencing, then the relationship will suffer – if the two people relate to each other very well, then the relationship will blossom.

So just to get us going on this topic, I will pose the following idea to think about. If you pick two good relationships in your life and two bad ones, how well, in your opinion, do you relate with the people in those relationships? Do you find that the relationship suffers when the two people have trouble relating and vise versa?

Until next time,

V

Tags: ,
Posted in Relationships | No Comments »

« Older Entries